joi, 28 ianuarie 2010
Well, you're dead to state the obvious. You were an amazing artist and lyrical genious. . . Even though I know you thought you sucked. . .But it's okay, I think I suck too.
I know you couldn't handle being a "rockstar" but you could've stuck around another ten years. . .To help teach our generation about something other than sex and alcohol. . .Maybe "teach" isn't the best word for it. . .Show. Maybe that's it. . . But anyhow, my generation has gone to shit even in the short time it's been here. . .We're too new. We never appriciate anything. . .And nothing ever happens fast enough. . .We don't understand the meanings behind the chords and the lyrics. . . They hear something that doesn't make sense and they automatically lable it as "weird" or "boring". I can relate to so much you have written. . .The depression, the feeling like an outcast. . .I know. . . The trying of different drugs to try and obtain the feeling you're searching for. . .It all adds up. . .
I wish I could've met you because I want to know what you think of me. . .And I want you to know that your opinion counts. . .I honestly want to know if I'm a fuck up or smart. . . I felt like you could've understood me. . .
When I read your journal, 'wow, I'm jealous. . ."
Because I am jealous that you could write like that and I can't. I'm jealous that you could write such deep and perfect songs and I can't. I have the urge to copy you because you've inspired me. . .I would never tell them I wrote it. . .I'd just tell them the truth. . .I just wish I could have witnessed one of your concerts. And I also wonder if I could have saved you. . .Or could have stopped you. . .You were beautiful. Inside and out. And I just want you to aknowledge that. . .You didn't have to be ashamed of being an American white male. . .You actually had nothing to be ashamed of at all. . .
But I do. . .I'm ashamed of not knowing who you were until now. I'm ashamed of being jealous of you. I'm ashamed that I feel horrible every time I see your face and hear your songs. Something in me says your death wasn't right and you're life was wawy too short. . .Every time I hear a story about you or hear your songs, I want to cry. . .I probably sound like a creepy, super-fan, but I'm not. . .I'm just a girl with a thought and a jealous mind. If I could explain, I would. But sadly, I can't. I'm unable. It's up to you to decide.
I hope you appriciate my concern because it's all I can offer you. . .Unless you want my bad habbits or perogative. . .Which isn't anything paramount, I promise. But trust me, if you were here, and even if you weren't a big star, or even one a big star who didn't have time for a stupid unimportant girl such as myself, I'd still be here for you. . . Even though you're dead, I'm still here. . .By the way, Cobain's Disease was a good name for an album. . .
And happy birthday Kurt...today, 20th February, I celebrate your 46th aniversary, and it's quite funny 'cause tomorrow I will celebrate mine...I will become a stupid 18 years old girl but even like this I still love you!